If any reader has ever read, Bunyan’s Grace Abounding to the Chief of sinners, one of the most annoying things about it, is that you are never sure when he is converted. He seems to go through several conversion experienes, and each one seemed to lead him a little more on the pathway to heaven, but most people do agree of the occassion he spoke of in that autobiography of what was the defining moment of conversion. However, this post is not about Bunyan, so I am not going to quote what seems to have been his defining moment in conversion.
But I also went through a similar path. Of thinking myself converted, wanting to do the right thing, yet always, always failing dismally. I never felt saved, though feelings are never to be trusted wholly. But I confided from the start to my closest friend I didn’t believe I had been converted, even though I had made two professions already by that time at different times. I went through torment and anguish in this spiritual battle, akin to both that of Bunyan and Martin Luther, and it wasn’t a few weeks or months, but six long, hard painful years. The hardest ever of my life. And the last time I made a profession, which would be around 18 months ago, in hindsight I’m still not sure that was my defining moment, but like Bunyan each one led me further on the path to heaven, and I know that sometime in the last 18 months it happened for real. Because the difference I found, in the worst of circumstances and a belly full of afflictions, my perceptions to cope with it, and rise above it in faith, what I always wanted to do, but never could, was suddenly there. YOu cannot be in this much affliction and fake it. But the difference was, when this started to happen, is the power of godliness that Scripture speaks of.

The chains fell off and at once I
was like Bunyan’s Christian in Pilgrim’s Progress:

What a fool I have been, to lie like this in a stinking dungeon, when I could have just as well walked free. In my chest pocket I have a key called Promise that will, I am thoroughly persuaded, open any lock in Doubting-Castle.” “Then,” said Hopeful, “that is good news. My good brother, do immediately take it out of your chest pocket and try it.” Then Christian took the key from his chest and began to try the lock of the dungeon door; and as he turned the key, the bolt unlocked and the door flew open with ease, so that Christian and hopeful immediately came out.—John Bunyan

Bunyan spoke of the often painful experience of conversion in his excellency of a broken heart, And he spoke from experience and it is one I can so relate with. That kind of torment and angush may not be common to everone’s conversion experience but it is to some.

Conversion is not the smooth, easy-going process some men seem to think . . . . It is wounding work, of course, this breaking of the hearts, but without wounding there is no saving. . . . Where there is grafting there is a cutting, the scion must be let in with a wound; to stick it on to the outside or to tie it on with a string would be of no use. Heart must be set to heart and back to back, or there will be no sap from root to branch, and this I say, must be done by a wound. —John Bunyan

Faith, and expeirmental religion, is not just a word its a whole man change and all at once. Yes, someone can be a babe in Christ, and yet the whole man is still changed, and a new convert there most pleasing hours will be spent on meditating on the lovliness of Christ and our best endeavours to please him by being obedient children, will be driving us on to grow in grace and holiness and the power of godliness. Except for it was somewhere in the last 18 months I cannot say when, but I know the change took place. So that my sufferings, and the hauntings of a painful most incredible past, don’t control me, or bring out behavour in me that does not belong in the life of a Christian. The power of godliness is real, and alive, and you cannot fake it in this much affliction, tho that may not be true for most average folks, and even so I still lack assurance, and yet when I read things that is speaking of examining our own hearts, I don’t just feel the checklist kind of thing like I used to do, that never be so blatant for me to say I didn’t pass the questions, there was room for doubt, now even though I am a poor doubting Christian in many respects, I know by every bit of my fibre, that the change God has wrought in me was supenatural and only by the power of godliness could I now rise above this furnace that is seven times hotter to praise God even when in the hottest part of it. Sometimes, despite how ill I am, and how alone in that awful amout of illness, I spend hours thinking about God’s providence and the change he has wrought in me and how he did it. I don’t do it to feel pleased about myself, but his love is so manifest in it, so wondrous to me how he did it, in such extraordinary circumstances, when I did not have the aids, benefits and encouragments or even teaching as other folks get, and with cognitive impairment to boot, I marvel at his works at how wondrous they are, and how nothing can stop him from make those he chose from before the foundation of the world his blessed childen; no hindrances, obstacles, stumbling blocks, or the plagues of our own hearts will stop him, and he will go to extraordinary or unusual means to make this happen if ordinary means are not available. Because God is all powerful and nothing can thwart hsi will. When I think about where I’ve been, what I’ve seen, and lived through, and what a life of terrible affliction I am still left with and yet feel so blessed and so content despite it, that it can only be the power of godliness and I rejoice in my Lord for making it so. I would live a hundred years in this condition if He willed me to, rather than the last six preceding it, where in temporal terms I was actually richer, because God alone is my portion and what a wondrous God he is, to stoop so low to someone like me; the one the world rejected from the day I was born. It makes me weep, but not with sadness, but at the love of a perfect Saviour, for someone who was so rebellious and denied his goodness for so long, because of my afflictons, it makes me weep, that he stooped so low, despite myself. And when the going gets tough, I remember how but for amazing grace, I could be in hell now. Or tomorrow or next week, and remember the wickedness of my own heart and how in such utter torment, I hurt the people I loved most of all. Yes I am forgiven, but I will never forget. Because what such affliction in the middle of the spiritual anguish of never quite closing with Christ had never been part of my personality before, and I loathe what came out of my heart, towards the people who were kindest to me, and least deserving of it. I think its very true that when we are hurting, we really do hurt the ones we love, not because we get pleasure out of it, but because we don’t know how not to.
I was on a roundabout that I couldn’t get off and so wanted it to stop, but I didn’t know how to make it stop, until the power of godliness was put in me by God giving me a through conversion. And yes, this life can be hard, and awefully lonely, but I never weep for my afflictions in any longer without also weeping for my sins.
I had Charles Spurgeon’s Lectures to my student’s come the weekend, and he wrote this:

People go to their place of worship and sit down comfortably and think they must be Christians, when all the time all that their religion consists in, is listening to an orator, having their ears tickled with music, and perhaps their eyes amused with graceful actions and fashionable manners; the whole being no better than what they hear and see at the opera.–not so good, perhaps, in point of aesthetic beauty, and not an atom more spiritual. Thousands are congratulating themselves, and even blessing God that they are devout worshippers, when a the same time they are living in an unregenerate Christless state, having the form of godliness, but denying the power thereof. He who presides over a system which aims at nothing better than formalism, is far more a servant of the devil than a minister of God.
—Charles Spurgeon

Though aimed at ministers it applies to all professors of Christ. People often make rash judgements over another’s soul on the silliest pretext, yet, sometimes judgements can be made and should be made, righteous judgments. If someone has Christ, they will have the power of godliness. They will be living to serve God and not themselves, and following the commandments he gives us in the moral law to stay within his will and keep his favour. What child likes to displease or be out of favour with a parent? If the power of godliness is not there, and you have someone who practices antinomianism, because they do not have the power of godliness to follow the commands of God required of his chosen people, there is a time for either thinking their profession is in vain, or stepping back and thinking it likely they be unsaved despite their profession, but be in wait and see mode, to see if they grow in godliness and if the power of godliness comes through in their lives. If it doesn’t, then there is little reason or rationale to consider them true believers. The power of godliness is not empty or weak or vain. It’s power is saving, its power is changing, and its a power that the believer will be consumed by, even though we all have our dry seasons or seasons of lethargy.
Let us pray we have the power of godliness and do as much as lies in us, to hold onto it, by caring for our souls as carefully as we should, and not being reckless, as often it just takes one small step out of the right way, for you to find yourself completely out of the way. Let us pray for God to keep us, and to give us the power to do, all we need to do, to be true servants of his, truly joined to him, and not only by a profession, without that power of godliness ruling our lives and God and the authority of Scripture being our first and last measure of eveyrthing in life.

Matthew Henry writes this on 2 Peter 1:3

1. An account of the way and means whereby grace and peace are multiplied–it is through the knowledge of God and Jesus Christ; this acknowledging or believing in the only living and true God, and Jesus Christ whom he has sent, is the great improvement of spiritual life, or it could not be the way to life eternal, Joh 17:3.

2. The ground of the apostle’s faith in asking, and of the Christian’s hope in expecting, the increase of grace. What we have already received should encourage us to ask for more; he who has begun the work of grace will perfect it. Observe, (1.) The fountain of all spiritual blessings is the divine power of Jesus Christ, who could not discharge all the office of Mediator, unless he was God as well as man. (2.) All things that have any relation to, and influence upon, the true spiritual life, the life and power of godliness, are from Jesus Christ; in him all fulness dwells, and it is from him that we receive, and grace for grace (Joh 1:16), even all that is necessary for the preserving, improving, and perfecting of grace and peace, which, according to some expositors, are called here in 2Pe 1:3 godliness and life. (3.) Knowledge of God, and faith in him, are the channel whereby all spiritual supports and comforts are conveyed to us; but then we must own and acknowledge God as the author of our effectual calling, for so he is here described: Him that hath called us to glory and virtue. Observe here, The design of God in calling or converting men is to bring them to glory and virtue, that is, peace and grace, as some understand it; but many prefer the marginal rendering, by glory and virtue; and so we have effectual calling set forth as the work of the glory and virtue, or the glorious power, of God, which is described Eph 1:19. It is the glory of God’s power to convert sinners; this is the power and glory of God which are seen and experienced in his sanctuary (Ps 63:2); this power or virtue is to be extolled by all that are called out of darkness into marvellous light, 1Pe 2:9. (4.) In the 2Pe 1:4 the apostle goes on to encourage their faith and hope in looking for an increase of grace and peace, because the same glory and virtue are employed and evidenced in giving the promises of the gospel that are exercised in our effectual calling. Observe, [1.] The good things which the promises make over are exceedingly great. Pardon of sin is one of the blessings here intended; how great this is all who know any thing of the power of God’s anger will readily confess, and this is one of those promised favours in bestowing whereof the power of the Lord is great, Nu 14:17. To pardon sins that are numerous and heinous (every one of which deserves God’s wrath and curse, and that for ever) is a wonderful thing, and is so called, Ps 119:18. [2.] The promised blessings of the gospel are very precious; as the great promise of the Old Testament was the Seed of the woman, the Messiah (Heb 11:39), so the great promise of the New Testament is the Holy Ghost (Lu 24:49), and how precious must the enlivening, enlightening, sanctifying Spirit be! [3.] Those who receive the promises of the gospel partake of the divine nature. They are renewed in the spirit of their mind, after the image of God, in knowledge, righteousness, and holiness; their hearts are set for God and his service; they have a divine temper and disposition of soul; though the law is the ministration of death, and the letter killeth, yet the gospel is the ministration of life, and the Spirit quickeneth those who are naturally dead in trespasses and sins. [4.] Those in whom the Spirit works the divine nature are freed from the bondage of corruption. Those who are, by the Spirit of grace, renewed in the spirit of their mind, are translated into the liberty of the children of God; for it is the world in which corruption reigns. Those who are not of the Father, but of the world, are under the power of sin; the world lies in wickedness, 1Jo 5:19. And the dominion that sin has in the men of the world is through lust; their desires are to it, and therefore it rules over them. The dominion that sin has over us is according to the delight we have in it. MHWBC