David Brainerd Diary

Lord’s Day, May 24, 1747 [he was nearing the end of his days on earth] (At Longmeadow in Springfield).

Could not be think, as I have often remarked to others, that much more of true religion consists in deep humility, brokenness of heart, and an abasing sense of barrenness and want of grace and holiness, than most who are called Christians imagine; especially those who have been esteemed the converts of the late day; many of whom seem to know of no other religion but elevated joys and affections, arising only from some flights of imagination, or some suggestion made to their mind, of Christ’s being “their’s,” God’s “loving them,” and the like.

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Friday November, 26. Had still a sense of my great vileness, and endeavoured as much as I could to keep alone. Oh, what a nothing, what dust and ashes am I! Enjoyed some peace and comfort in spreading my complaints before the God of all grace.

Saturday, November, 27. Committed my soul to God with some degree of comfort; left New York about nine in the morning: came away with a distressing sense still of my unspeakable unworthiness. Surely I may well love all my brethren; for none of them all is so vile as I; whatever they do outwardly, yet it seems to me none is so conscious of so much guilt before God. Oh, my leanness, my barrenness, my carnality, and past bitterness, and want of a Gospel Temper! These things oppress my soul. Rode from New York, thirty miles, to White Plains, and most of the way continued lifting up my heart to God for mercy and purifying grace; and spent the evening much dejected in spirit.

[The next three days he continued in this frame, in a great sense of his own vileness, with an evident mixture of melancholy, in no small degree; but had some intervals of comfort and Gods sensible presence with him.]

The Diary of David Brainerd as told in Jonathan Edwards “life” Volume 7 of the works of Jonathan Edwards. Edwards comments in square brackets after diary entry.

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Thursday, April 1, 1742

I seem to be declining in respect to my life and warmth in divine things: had not so free access to God in prayer as usual of late. Oh, that God would humble me deeply in the dust before him! I deserve hell every day for not loving my Lord more, who has, (I trust) loved me and given himself for me: and every time I am enabled to exercise any grace renewedly, I am renewedly indebted to the God of all grace for special assistance. “Where then is boasting?” Surely, “It is excluded” [Rom 3:21], when we think how we are dependant upon God for the very being and every act of grace. Oh, if ever I get to heaven, it will be because God wills, and nothing else; for I never did anything of myself but get away from God! My soul will be astonished at the un searchable riches of divine grace, when I arrive at the mansions which the blessed Savior is gone before to prepare.

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Tuesday, December 9

I was in a comfortable frame of soul most of the day but especially in evening devotions when God was pleased wonderfully to assist and strengthen me so that I thought nothing should ever move me from the love of God in Christ Jesus, my Lord. Oh one hour with God exceeds all the pleasures and delights of this lower world.
–David Brainerd’s diary

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Thurs 13 & Fri 14th of May:

Waited on a council of ministers convened at Hertford, and spread before them the treatment I had met with from the rectors and tutors of Yale College; who thought it advisable to intercede for me with the rector and trustees, and entreat them to restore me to my former privileges in college. [1] After this, spent time in religious exercises with Christian friends.

15th: Rode from Hertford to Hebron; was something dejected on the road; appeared exceedingly vile in my own eyes, saw much pride and stubbornness in my own heart. Indeed, I never knew such a week before as this; for I have been almost ready to die under the view of the wickedness of my heart. I could not have thought I had such a body of death in me. O, that God would deliver my soul! [The Diary & Journal of David Brainerd]

[1]The application then made on his behalf had not the desired success.

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