Stained from birth with Adam's sinfull fact,
Thence I began to sin as soon as act;
A perverse will, a love to what's forbid
A serpent's sting in pleasing face lay hid:
A lying tonuge as soon as it could speak
And fifth commandment [to honour one's parents] do daily break.
—Anne Bradstreet around 1640

When malice has reason on its side, it looks forth bravely, and displays that reason in all its luster. When austerity and self-denial have not realized true happiness, and the soul returns to the dictates of nature, the reaction is fearfully extravagant.
- Blaise Pascal

Yet communication it seems to me is the key of either building good relationships or them being destructive. Communcating with each other, and how we communicate about each  other to others.  My next post in this series will be (DV) on the subject of peaceableness, and yet Charles Simeon of Cambridge, who in his day was known as a true child of Abraham for his peaceable spirit  said this on the subject above, direction he gave himself to live by and live out. And by all reports, these guidelines he set himself  and living by them helped him do just that.  Perhaps we can learn from the direction of Charles Simeon also?

The longer I live, the more I feel the importance of adhering to the rules which I have laid down for myself in relation to the following subjects:

1. To hear as little as possible, what is to the hurt or defaming of others.

2. To believe nothing of the kind, until I am absolutely forced to it.

3. Never to drink into the evil spirit of one who circulates a bad report.

4. Always to moderate as far as I can, the unkindness which is expressed towards others.

5. Always to believe that, if the other side were heard, a very different account would be given of the matter.

I consider love as wealth; and as I would resist a man who should come to rob my house, so would I a man who would weaken my regard for any human being. I consider too, that people are cast in different molds; and that to ask myself—What would I do in that person's situation?—is not a just mode of judging. I must not expect a man that is naturally cold and reserved to act as one that is naturally warm and affectionate; and I think it a great evil that people do not make more allowances for each other in this particular. I think Christian people are too little attentive to these considerations

Richard Baxter also has some useful directions on this subject also:

My friend Susan over at her website has all addressed this subject recently.

Matthew 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

Sorrow for sin exceeds sorrow for suffering, in the continuance and durableness thereof: the other, like a landlord, quickly come, quickly gone; this is a continual dropping or running river, keeping a constant stream. My sins, saith David, are ever before me; so also is the sorrow for sin in the soul of a child of God, morning, evening, day, night, when sick, when sound, fasting, at home, abroad, ever within him. This grief begins at his conversion, continues all his life, ends only at his death. —Thomas Fuller.

Forgiveness of sin is purely an act of God's free grace… When God pardons a sin, he does not pay a debt, but gives a legacy…. Forgiveness is through the blood of Christ–the outward cause meriting pardon (Eph. 1:7)… The guilt of sin was infinite, and nothing but that blood which was of infinite value could procure forgiveness…G'od's free grace found a way of redemption through a Mediator.
By virtue of this pardon, God will no more call sin into remembrance (Heb 8:12)… But sin is not forgiven till it be repented of. Therefore repentance and remission are put together. (Luke 24:47)
—-Thomas Watson

Sin being so sinful, infectious and pernicious, it can never be well with a man while he is in his sins.

Was it well with Dives even though he fared deliciously every day? No, it was better with Lazarus who lay at his gate full of sores. For that is well which ends well, which is never the case with sinners. Even if judgment is not executed speedily, it will surely come, for they are condemned already, being son of death and perdition. No man, then, has any cause to envy the prosperity of sinners; it is not good enough to be envied, but it is bad enough to be pitied. They are only fattened for, and thereby fitted to destruction. 'The prosperity of fools shall destroy them'  (Proverbs 1:32). It is their folly alone which actually destroys them, but their prosperity doubles it, and does it with a vengeance. The prosperous sinner is in the worst plight of all sinners; they are set in slippery places and shall be cast down from their height to the depths of destruction. (Psalm 73:18)
—Ralph Venning "The sinfulness of Sin"

"Having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ."—Phil 1:23

My soul, thou hast not, I hope, dismissed the solemn thoughts opened to thy view by the scripture of yesterday. Surely, since that last morning, thou hast had but too many renewed occasions to feel the truth of it. Sin is not only present with thee at all times, but in thee, and as inseparable from thy unrenewed part, as the shadow from the substance. Thou knowest this, thou feelest it, thou groanest under it; and the consciousness of it is, in itself, enough to make thee go humbly all thy days. All other afflictions are nothing to this affliction: this, like the ocean compared to rivers, surpasseth and swalloweth up all. It is indeed a soul-supporting thought, (and, blessed be God, thou feelest the sweetness of it,) that under all, and in all, Jesus is thy hope. And while sin is always present with thee, Jesus, thy Advocate and Propitiation, is present for thee with the Father. But though in Him, and his righteousness accepted and secure, yet the consideration how much thy daily shortcomings and transgressions dishonour God, and deprive thee of comfort here, is matter sufficient to make thine eyes run down with water, and thine heart continually to mourn before the mercyseat. And will these things always be the same, whilst thou carriest about with thee this body of sin? Shall this perishing part of thine be always so unfavourable to the sweet and gracious desires of the soul? Shall I never, never truly and uninterruptedly enjoy Jesus until the body is dissolved, and the dust returns to the earth out of which that part of my nature was taken? Pause, my soul, and say—Hast thou not then a desire to depart, and to be with Christ! Is not the grave, in this view, not only made bearable, but even desirable—nay, even pleasant? What, shall I never be wholly free from sin, until that I am wholly freed from the body! Shall I never be secure of sweet enjoyment with Jesus in ordinances, in retirement, in prayer, in praise, until that I drop this body of sin? And wouldest thou not, my soul, gladly part with such a partner, near and dear as it is, if this partner, in its present state, so dreadfully robs thee of thy most precious enjoyments? It is true, death in itself is not desirable: but if only by dying thou canst enjoy Jesus; and if only by dying this body will lose its corruptions; if the grave hath a commission from thy Jesus to destroy that part only of thy body which is corrupt, and at the same time to act as a preserver of that part which Jesus at the last day will raise up to glory; if Jesus hath assured thee that, though worms destroy thy corrupt part, yet thine eyes, even thy bodily eyes, when raised up by Jesus a glorified body, shall see God; and if thy body, thus raised up and reanimated, shall then be not only wholly freed from all corruption, but equally disposed as the soul to praise thy God and Saviour for ever and for ever, and both soul and body unite as dear friends in this blessed service. Oh then, from henceforth never, my soul, look at death any more but as thy kind friend. It is to die to sin; but it is to live to Jesus. It is to be dead to all things but Jesus, that Jesus may be all things in life for ever. Oh then, for this desire to depart and to be with Christ!
—Robert Hawker

Let us confess our debts, and pray for forgiveness of our sins (Luke 11:4). The forgiveness of God is passing by sin (Mic. 7:18), wiping off the score and giving us a discharge.God, in pardoning, lifts our burden from the conscience and lays it upon Christ (Isa. 53:6). To forgive is to cover sin (Ps. 32:1), to blot out transgressions (Isa. 43:25)…. When God forgives sin he blots out the  debt, he draws the red-line of Christ's blood over our sins, and so crosses the debt-book…Sin is the cloud interposed, but God dispels the cloud, and breaks forth with the light of his countenance…. He casts our debts into the depths of the sea (Mic. 7:19)
—Thomas Watson "Practical Divinity"

When we consider this fighting life aright, we need not be dissuaded from loving it. We rather have need to be strengthened with patience to go through and to fight on with courage and assurance of victory; still fighting in a higher strength than our own, against sin within and troubles without. This is the great scope of this epistle.  Against sin the apostle instructs us at the beginning of this chapter. And here again, against suffering… He urges us to be armed with the same mind that was in Christ… The words to the end of the chapter contain grounds of encouragement and consolation for the children of God in sufferings, especially in suffering for God.
—Robert Leighton "A practical commentary on 1 Peter"

Man's mouth, though it be but a little hole, will hold a world full of sin. For there is not any sin forbidden in the law or gospel which is not spoken by the tongue, as well as thought in the heart, or done in the life. Is it not then almost as difficult to rule the tongue as to rule the world?
— Edward Reyner.

Sin is the worst debt, because it is against an infinite majesty. It is a multiplied debt. We do not know how much we owe God… But God writes down our debts in his book of remembrance.  God's book and the book of conscience do exactly agree, so that the debt cannot be denied.
There is no shifting of the debt… Neither man nor angel can pay this debt for us. Who shall give us protection from God's justice? We cannot flee from God… He knows where to find all his debtors (Ps. 139:7,8)… There is a day coming when God will call his debtors to account. (Rom. 14:12)
–Thomas Watson

Since God can only rejoice in goodness, the creatures must have that goodness restored to them which they had at the first creation… The goodness of the creatures is the glory and joy of God. We may infer from this, what a base and vile thing sin is, which lays the foundation of the world's change. Sin brings it to a decrepit age. Sin overturned the whole work of God… Let us look upon sin with no other notion than as the object of God's hatred, the cause of his grief in the creatures, and the spring of the pain and ruin of the world.
God as immutable is contrasted with all creatures as perishable and changeable. He is unchangeable in his essence, nature, and perfections.
—Stephen Charnock, "The Existence and Attributes of God."

These therefore must have the cream of the gospel… The Lord Jesus takes more care, as appears by three parables,  for the lost sheep, the lost goat, and the prodigal son, than for the other sheep, the other pence,  or for the son that said he had never transgressed (Luke 15)… The mind of Christ was set on the salvation of the biggest sinners in his lifetime.
The apostles, after the ascension of Christ, preached to the very worst of these Jerusalem sinners, even to those that were the murderers of Jesus Christ (Acts 2:23). Peter said if they were sorry for what they had done, and would be baptized for the remission of their sins in his name, they should receieve the gift of the Holy Ghost (Acts 2:37, 38)
—John Bunyan, "The Jerusalem Sinner Saved."

Let us note that all such as boast as having faith in the gospel, and are not sanctified by God, betray their own hypocrisy and lying, and belie themselves by their own life, no matter what they may sing or say, just as we see many nowadays who defile and profane the name of the faith which ought to be holy. For every man will say that he is faithful, and they who have least faith are boldest to say their is no faith but in themselves. And would God that it were so, only by half! But we see even among all that bear the name of Christians that their whole life is disordered and loose, insomuch that they mock God to the full and despise all religion, and yet nevertheless in the meanwhile think  they they are greatly wronged if they are not taken as good catholic Christians.
—From Sermon One on Ephesians

If all be a gift, see then the odious ingratitude of men, who sin against the giver. God feeds them, and they fight against him; he gives them bread, and they give him affronts… Ungratefully do sinners deal with God. They not only forget his mercies, but abuse them (Jer. 5:7)… This gives a dye and tincture to men's sins, and makes them crimson.
God gives us daily bread, let us give him daily praise. Thankfulness to our donor is the best policy… God loves to bestow his mercies where there is the best echo of praise.
—Thomas Watson

It is fit that professors of all sorts should be reminded of these things; for we may see not a few of them under visible decays, without any sincere endeavours after a recovery, who yet please themselves that the root of the matter is in them. It is so, if love of the world, conformity unto it, negligence in holy duties, and coldness in spiritual love, be an evidence of such decays. but let none deceive their own souls; wherever there is a saving principle of grace, it will be thriving and growing unto the end. And if it falls under obstructions, and thereby into decays for a season, it will give no rest or quietness unto the soul, wherein it is, but will labour continually for a recovery. Peace in a spiritually decaying condition is a soul ruining security; better be under terror on the account of surprisal into some sin, than be in peace under evident decays of spiritual life.
—John Owen

Sin is a real sickness (Isa. 1:5), yea, the worst of sickness; it is a leprosy in the head (Lev 13:44); the plague in the heart (1 Kings 8:38); it is brokenness in the bones (Psalm 51:8); it pierces, it wounds, it racks, it torments (1 Tim 6:10). A man may as well expect ease when his diseases are in their full strength, or his bones out of joint, as true comfort while in his sins.
—Joseph Alleine "A Sure Guide to Heaven."

Whereas the Spirit of God is everywhere said to sanctify us, we ourselves are commanded and said constantly to mortify our sins—the weakening, impairing, and destroying of the contrary principle of sin in its root and fruits.
—John Owen "Discourse on the Holy Spirit"

The world and all it's vanities, all the world had to offer that I could not have, dazzled me more blindly than if I could have feasted upon it till I had my fill. Those supposed pleasures as I saw them, those comforts were vain, yet so enticing that I almost sold my soul for them, because rather than my afflictions drawing me towards God, which were great already by any stretch of the imagination, the pleasures I supposed that would make them lighter, easier to bear, drew me away from Him, a heart frozen in vain desire and need; I thought my need was in the world, in people, and relief from the prisoner my body held me trapped within it. Wanting some relief from such great physical suffering, seemed the most natural thing in the world. But my real binds, was not in seeing my need, not seeking God with all my heart, but only going so far then standing still, demanding God supply my need and prove his love and kindness and mercy and compassion. But the fill I wanted and demanded was from His creation, not from the Creator, and how I mourn now those years of bondage, those years of longing for the vanity that the world had to offer to others, how the blessings of others especially those who had added to my lot needlessly or thoughtlessly fuelled my desire for a world full of vanities.

I loved, I laughed, I cried, felt tormented and tortured and I railed against the God of heaven against the providence that had brought my life to this. We think that being with people will relieve our loneliness and longing of the soul our inner hungers and fill the emptiness and voids we feel. We believe that our joy, our liberty and freedom, comes by being enabled by being comfortable and prosperous and popular — finding purpose in our own self-reliance –  being important in however a minute a way in the big scale of things that sense of import means to us.

We rely on ourselves to find a way out of the hole we are in–if we are helpless to do so, we rely on others to. The natural man doesn't see his need, his want. He sees his want, but what we want is not always what we need. That verse of David from Psalm 119, refers to his illicit affair with Bathsheba; he wanted her in a fleshly, lustful desire, his want and lust became his need in his mind–it was the thing that burned inside of him, stronger and with more passion than anything else. Even if it meant departing out of the will of the God that he had served since he was a shepherd boy. (2 Samuel 12:24)

When the child that Bathsheba conceived in adultery with David was born and was ill, as the Lord had threatened that the child would die, and that the sword would never depart from David's house from that time on. (2 Sam 12:10-18) David prayed and fasted and wept, and sought the Lord with all of his heart. He knew that sometimes the Lord's threatening's could be averted by pleading and intercession and prayer. (Joel 2:13). David's devotion to God during the time of his infants illness, by fasting, prayer and tears of penitence was a great humiliation for his sin. It was a sure sign of his sincerity for sinning against God with Bathsheba. Commonly, when men beget a child by a mistress, they detach or turn away, in these days they may even persuade the mistress to have an abortion, in order to keep the child conceived in sin a secret to protect their own comfort zone; to keep the calm peace and tranquility of their home life with their wife. The child being murdered on the abortionists table cannot witness against men as a living child and evidence of their sin and indiscretion can. In some cases, they would rather murder their off-spring, rather than their sin be found out. David, aware that his own sinful actions had brought this about, in a truly penitent spirit, begged God to spare the child's life, even knowing if the child lived it could bring him great shame and reproach, as a living child was evidence of and would testify against him in the case of his adultery. It would have been a terrible shame for God's anointed to bear. But he begged, prayed fasted and wept for the life of his child, willing to pay the consequences that the reproach of a living child could bring down upon his head, because he owned his sin and was truly penitent for it and contrite.

When the infant died, his calm composure, putting on fresh clothes to go meet with God out of a holy reverential fear and honour of going to meet with the Living God,  to worship Him, knowing that the child's death was God's divine disposal and he could not now do a thing to change it. By his going to worship he practiced what Job spoke in "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the Name of the Lord." (Job 1:21)  He had tried with his whole heart to avert the threatening of God as concerned the child when he was still alive, knowing that where there's life there is hope, but once the child died, he accepted it in quiet resignation knowing it was final and there was nothing more he could do. He went to worship God, thankful that God had had mercy on him and spared him, and also pardoned him for his adulterous act. It is widely thought that after Nathan left David, after reproaching him, that is when David penned Psalm 51. When he says, his sin will be ever before him, and asks for the Lord to purge him like hyssop, he was not really talking of the external ceremonies of the law, but to purge him, make him clean. Purging from the Lord normally comes by way of affliction. And when he says in  Psalms 119:67 Before I was afflicted I went astray: but now have I kept thy word. he is clearly alluding to this affair.

You see in David's longing, his lust was for a beautiful woman, he was over-whelmed by temptation in what he saw in her. Things pleasing to our senses particularly the eyes have a power in the way of temptations and are more alluring to us.

My Bathsheba was the world outside my window and all that lay out there that I could never taste or partake of. My isolation and sense of abandonment by both God and man made me hunger and yearn after it more than anything I have previously known. I was already sick unto death, yet the afflicted state of my body and inability made it all seem the most  natural thing in the world that anyone in my shoes would want if it was them. Why? Because I knew not God nor myself. About a year or so ago things got worse still, though not by my own making, yet I was suddenly alone with God. Very alone. Totally alone–still sick unto death.

I even said goodbye to some folks of my own choosing, feeling that in all I felt by being so very alone, even more so, that to continue on in friendship of a kind, would be more destructive than cutting those ties, because it was like throwing crumbs to the starving, a little taste but not near enough to fill a belly that had been empty so long, and  made me hunger more and feel more alone than ever and more hurt over my lot in life, and when hurting so much already, they could only wreak more destruction. I chose finally, to go it alone with God, and turned my ear and heart to learning, by the sound advice I had been given repeatedly by someone of, the only way I was going to find life tenable, was to live a more spiritual life.  I also put other similar counsel into practice. I started pouring over eternity, reading such things as Baxter's Everlasting rest. I started to know God better, and in doing that, alone with God, I started to know myself. I started to understand the actions of people I esteemed that had sometimes been a confusion to me. As I got to know both God and myself better, the penitential tears and a contrite and broken spirit started to be wrought. Yet, unlike in previous times of grief and mourning, like David, they were tears of repentance for past things that I found pierced me, and even to this day when I feel my afflictions I weep anew, not because I don't believe I am forgiven, but because I know that before I was afflicted so severely, I went astray, and those times of mourning and grief and penitential sorrow are times of cleansing and purging even further. My aims and goals are not any longer to be rid of my sufferings or find relief at any cost–to sell my soul for relief from this great affliction– but live out my life to the glory of God. Yet I believe that there will likely always be times of great penitential mourning, because sometimes everywhere I look in Scripture reminds me of how I rejected the Word of God and God Himself, and how He had to bring me so low, that I could finally see Him for who He is, and in that he raised me  up for his honour and gave me the dignity I longed for, that I felt had been taken away from me by the actions of people I had known, that I thought I could get from the world, yet it was alone with God it was given to me. God is my portion alone as far as people, day in day out, even when in this condition physically, and yet I am fuller than ever before in a multitude of ways.  He is the strength of my countenance, and I know that, because He is my portion Alone when sick unto death. If I was surrounded by comforts and loved ones it is likely I would not be so sure of that, because it can be a very fine line about what or who we have as our chief portion, where our comfort and delight comes from if there are multiple channels of it coming to us,  and the lines can easily become blurred. Psalms 73:26 My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. The world is still outside my window, with all its streets of gold, yet it's a gold that will turn to rust, and inside this room, alone with God, He and me with his strength and by His grace, are building an incorruptible treasure that can never be taken from me and will never rust in the least. In a million years time in eternity, The Lord and His heavenly treasure will still be as shiny and dazzling,  even more so than now, when all the streets of gold have long rusted and corroded and  long been forgotten by those who ever walked on it along with those who walked on it also long forgotten.

The treasure any of us need, first and foremost, whatever our place in life, however rich or poor our estate, is the Living God and the treasures He has to offer,  yet it can be so easy to indulge in the world and its pleasures at the cost of falling short of the mark. Pleasures and recreation are not sinful in themselves, it's only where we place them on our priorities or how much time we indulge in them that makes them so, if we are intemperant.

I may have more to say on the David and Bathsheba affair, as it's such a rich history with so many strands. One final note on this however, for now, is Proverbs 31. The virtuous woman. The woman all godly women long to be, was also told to Solomon by his mother, Bathsheba, and she had obviously also repented of her sin with David. Because she warns her son against the very things happening to him by taking a bad course, that had come about upon David's house, because of her and David's adulterous affair. (Proverb 31:1-3)